Issue #3 — The Return

Ah, Kul-Tiras. Known for its ships, sailors, and pigs. No really, Kul-Tiran Ham is my favourite. Ahem. Kul-Tiras has been a vital part of the Alliances efforts during the fourth War, but did Kul-Tiras actually want to be part of that? What is the Truth behind the Alliances forceful takeover of this Island Nation? And what does it mean for Stormwind? Well, we interviewed a representative of the TNA to get some Answers, lets look at his own words to describe their cause:

Charlie: I'm Charlie, current member of the TNA, like our manifesto says, we're for independence of Kul Tiras from the Alliance after a sordid history of being abandoned and betrayed, only to be dragged into war, after war.

Indeed, abandonment and betrayal, as fellow oppressed people in this so called "Alliance" can certainly sympathize with this cause at the Kittens Meow! Now, no discussion about their honourable cause is complete without talking about Jaina Proudmoore,

here is what Charlie from the TNA had to say about her:

 Charlie: Yes. First with the third war, fighting against the Horde in Theramore, the puppet Jaina betrayed her father and left Lord Admiral Daelin for dead. Not just him, but many of our serviceman, including my own mother. Then- years later, they want us to fight the -exact same war- again. I suppose now Theramore is a hole in the ground, maybe we had a POINT!

Jaina Proudmoore is, of course, a puppet, used by the Kirin Tor to control events all over Azeroth for their own nefarious deeds, as our esteemed guest cleverly hinted at here. We shall dive deeper into the Tragedy of Theramore in a later issue, of course, but suffice to say that Kul-Tiras was played like a fiddle, and it would not be the last time. But it sheds light on a larger pattern within the so called Alliance of abandoning your allies when they are in need, whilst still benefiting from their contributions. Charlie summarised it wonderfully here:

Charlie: Not only our history with the Alliance, and other 'allies' it has- it's abandoned many, Darnassus, Gilneas, which it only just remembered recently, and Lordaeron. It just picks its allies up and throws them away...

Of course, dear reader, you may wonder, isn't the Kittens Meow patriotic for Stormwind? How can you talk this negatively about the Alliance? And to that, I answer, you have fallen for the gnomish propaganda. The Alliance is a cancer, eating away at the glory of Stormwind, its integrity, safety and freedoms, and the Kul-Tiran Patriots have realised much the same. Charlie brought up how Alliance forces trampled all over Kul-Tiras sovereignty over and over again here:

Charlie: Firstly, Golf Company the defucnt guard group who was in league with a criminal gang that fed bodies to an undead cult known as the 'Red Snow', brought their little charade to our shore, shooting a man in public, in a cafe, in front of civillians, then cut his head off, with -no- cooperation with Stormwind. The Alliance isnt an overarching umbrella of laws, we all keep our own within it.

However, we did not agree with the TNA on all fronts, one take in particular truely did not sit well with my patriotic mind:

Brook: Assuming you achieved your goal, who would you see taking the reigns in Kul Tiras? Who, these days, is not controlled by the Gnomes, or by the Explorers League?

Charlie: I think Tandred Proudmoore has a good head on his shoulders, likely able to stand disagreements without threatening a genoicde, or supporting one. But ultimately I'd like a hand over to the people, elections, voting.

Democracy?!? How could Democracy possibly be a viable form of Government, given the heavy influence of the likes of the Gnome Mafia, the Explorers League, or the Kirin-Tor? It defies reason, and brings to question if the TNA has not been undermined by controlling elements on the inside. Alas, we must keep our Eyes open, for there is much Truth yet to be uncovered, i am certain.

If you want to catch the full transcript of our Interview with the TNA, look out for our Special Issue, Truth Wars Episode 1. This has been Brook D. Johnson, thank you for reading.

The Halanir are the latest visitors to our beautiful City of Stormwind, but what's their deal? They claim to be from a place called Halamdar, somewhere underground! But is that the Truth? Let us examine the Facts.

The Hawadir talk in distinctly Troll like manner, they have Troll like Ears, they have Troll like Tusks...yet their feet and hands have five digits...This only leads to one conclusion! Troll-Human Hybrids, cloned in this Hawagar place, for some nefarious reason! Long has it been known that The Alliances forces have become complacent in who is allowed inside our city, so it is up to us Citizens to be vigilant! We must find out their true purpose in our fair Stormwind, and stop them in their tracks, before they bring their Weird Goddess to replace the Light!

Speaking of the Harambir Goddess, let us speculate on its true identity here, shall we? They claim she was "stolen" from its cradle, yet that is clearly absurd! What kind of God can be kidnapped?!? Clearly, their "Goddess" must be their Creator, one of the Space Mogu trying to create a new Army to invade our World, defeated and captured when the Pandaren fought back against the Space Mogu Invasion!

Now, they come to infiltrate our City, to weaken our defences, maybe even indoctrinate our Leaders into their Cult! I call upon each and every Reader to shut down any attempt of Hagabir Propaganda in its tracks, before more sheeple can be fooled!

Where does that leave us now? The Haramir are trying are spreading missinformation, nay, Fake News, on our streets, talking about such nonsense as their "Goddess", and "Hollow-Azeroth"- a theory first proposed by the lying Explorers League, now conveniently propped up by these Hagagir!

After taking the Photograph shown above, a member of the Ebon Blade rudely destroyed my camera, almost rendering my pictures useless (We did our best to save the images, please excuse the poor quality!). This was a clear attack on the freedom of the press, and even though the culprit was fined, the Stormwind City Brigade refused to take steps for recompense of my lost equipment! They must be in their pockets too...

Stay vigilant, stay open minded, and never stop asking questions, dear Reader!

Lost in the Woods, a tired Ford Silver finds himself stumbling unto a Moonlit clearing. Under Pale Moonlight, a Kaldorei Druidess shows him just how wild their people really are...

Frank Steel returns again with his new best selling novel, an enticing dive into the Wilderness of Kalimdor, and the primal ferocity of the Night Elves! Get your copy now at the nearest reputable book store!

People of Stormwind, I have a dire message to convay to you! through my own analysis and investigation it has come to my attention that the Stormwind Guard is largely infiltrated by the gnomish menace and exercising the most vile of machinations to try and silence those of us who vow to tell you THE TRUTH.

One evening several weeks ago I was ATTACKED by a woman who was shouting "Johnny!" around the dwarven district, I managed to escape to the guardhouse where they arrested her..Didn't take my statement! and then Released her so she could attack me again this time turning into another foul agent of the gnomes..a WORGEN. I shot the beast six times with my trusty revolver in self defence but when I tried to make my case the guards tried to arrest me! as if there was no precedence that she may attack me again!

I ran for my life and sheltered in the liberty bunker because surely a miscarriage of justice would not fly anyway.. but upon returning to the city I told I was apparently implicated in a ATTEMPTED MURDER?!

This lead me to the most vile conclusion of all that our beloved city guard has been FULLY infiltrated by the gnomish menace and they deliberately set up this scenario as to Jail one of their most ardent enemies for good under the pretence of E-V-I-L, How far does this corruption go? into the keep? into the very chambers of government themselves as my current investigation into the Gnobel family has proven?! They gnomes are in our schools, they're in our bars poisoning our beer?! putting chemicals in the Canals to turn good hardworking red blooded Stormwind men into simpering milksops ready to bow at hand and knee to their gnomish overlord and accept all means of horrid and perverted plans.

Only my Suppliments that assure maximum male vitality can protect you from the deliberate attempts to make you WEAK! (Order LibertyPowder directly from Johnathan for 1 gold per tub)

Alas despite their attempts to silence me I am still here, writing, investigating..fighting for the truth and I will continue to do so until they finally grow the balls to KILL ME.

Join Johnathan and friends on TRUTHWARS on wednesdays by tuning into 420.69fm (Ask directly if you wish to be a part of the studio audience)

Johnathan Liberty

"For Truth, Justice and the Stormwind Way"

While the world slept soundly..I Johnathan Liberty started the battle for a more honest and transparent Azeroth, I started.. Truth Wars.

The show had began in earnest by accident after myself and Barry were assailed on the streets of Stormwind by a gnome in a pointy hat wielding a comically large spoon! (possibly belonging to the mogu? Although this has yet to be investigated) Myself and Barry defended ourselves admirably and legally with moves only capable of true men of the light, when the gnome was defeated we invited him to the liberty bunker and prepared him for transport by stuffing him into the liberty sack.

Once at the bunker all five of my listeners will recall how we were told the story of the Gnobel family and their connections to various industries and government bodies in the city of Stormwind, I had long suspected the existance of a gnomish mafia but now I was being proven before my very eyes…

before we could question Gnobert futher he used comically large eating utensil to dig his way out of the Liberty bunker..and somehow magically unexposed the photographs Barry took of him.

I was not perturbed however and knew I must continue the investigation to the only lead I can reasonably assume..the Stormwind guards, it was THEY who allowed for the machinations of gnobert and the Gnominati Mafia Who else could it be? Who’d cover up the poisoning of the canal water and the ale! The elfening of Stormwind men! It was ALL CONNECTED.

The investigation into the Stormwind guard

I assembled Team Liberty..consisting of myself, Barry Scott my loyal photographer and a Intern whom I’ve forgotten the name of, together we asked for files on the Gnome activities in Stormwind from the guards and were told by a Red haired dwarf to go away (Are the dwarves involved too?!) And so Team Liberty awaited darkness and visited once more when the staff were more reasonable

Photograph: Johnathan Compiling the evidence, Taken By Barry Scott

upon investigating the filing Cabernets we could find nothing on the Gnobels..of course I’d surmise they’d have hidden the files to conceal the Gnomanati’s activities..we proceeded upstairs and investigated further uncovering numerous documents..and a book “Wife to a worgen: a practical guide to furry romance by Alice Knowsaul” another plot uncovered to corrupt the good people of Stormwind..they intend to domesticate the women too with handsome furry men! NOT TODAY UNIONISTS!

“We’ve got em now boys!”

Photographer: Barry Scott

Upon liberating ourselves from the compound we slinked into the night…this evidence will prove invaluable in the fight for a more just Stormwind!

• Johnathan Liberty
• ”For truth, justice and the Stormwind way”

TUNE IN TO THE TRUTH WARS PODCAST AT FM 69.420 AIRING WEDNESDAYS

This marks the first entry in our reoccurring section on Gnome sightings. The Danger of Gnomes to our fair City, at this point, is well documented, but many people still doubt just how much influence they have grabbed for themselves already. This is a documentation of suspicious Gnome sightings as of late.

Bike Gnome, caught on the Outskirts of Mage Quarter, highly suspicious.

Gnome conversing with a local noble in the Keep. They have infiltrated our Government.

A Gnome skulking on a Roof. What could they possibly be planning?!?

A Picture taken inside the Sewers, our Photographer had to flee the scene immediately. Bone chilling!

These are this Issues Gnome sightings, but please, send your contributions to our office! We will feature selected Readers submissions along with our own findings in future Gnome sighting sections.

The Kittens Meow does not take responsibility for any injuries or harm incured from taking Gnome pictures

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History is written by the Victors, they say. Well, dear reader, I say History is written by the secret Organisation controlling the World from the Shadows! I write this at high personal risk, as just last week a Dark-Mole Machine drilled into our Offices, leaving devastation in its wake and nearly destroying our Printing Press. Arguments about our Office being "not supposed to be there" and "not documented properly" were merely excuses of course to hide the Truth.

Evidence of the vile Attack at the Freedom of the Press

Long has the Explorers league presented itself as an Organisation of Discovery, and unveiling the Truth of the Past, yet continuously they have presented us with a version of History that is clearly false! Such as the so called "Titans" and their works, presenting them as some kind of gods, when we all know that the only real god is the Light.

How convenient is it, that the Dwarves, the predominant race within the Explorers League, are direct creations of the Titans, thus putting them in a position of Power in this pseudo Religion! Furthermore, the Explorers League claims that the Mogu too, are Titan creations, which has already been disproven by us (see our article about the Space Mogu).

But just how far does their manipulation go? Well, Brann Bronzebeard has been spotted all over Azeroth, sticking his nose into important historical events wherever he goes. Coincidence? I think not. Clearly, he manipulates events, and thusly the discourse of History. This is worsened by the fact that the Explorers League has claimed a Monopoly on History in the Alliance, drowning out individual historians running alternative theories with ridicule, such as Gerald Moopenheimer, who's work on the true History of Gnomes was purposefully rejected and ridiculed by the Explorers League.

It is also worth noting that Brann Bronzebeard was spotted in Dornogal wearing nothing but his hat, clearly a creep...

I implore our Readers to not blindly trust the lies and deceit spread by the Explorers League, and tackle history with an open and critical mind.

Thank you dear reader, for patiently waiting for our return. The Kittens Meow faced dire times last year, when our Printing Press was confiscated by Authorities after investigations for "Sedition". This obvious attack on the Freedom of the Press has not deterred us in our Mission: Finding the Truth, wherever it hides, and delivering it to you.

We are also excited to welcome two new Additions to our team:

Barry Scott, who has been handling the camera for our new format, as well as providing an extra stream of income, and of course, Johnathan Liberty, who is hosting said new format, TRUTH WARS, both in our paper and on the Radio.

Thank you, and we hope to keep a more consistent schedule in the future, stay sharp dear readers!